December 11, 2011


Today, I feel at peace with myself. 
Theres no torment. Ive done all I can ad more. I breathe in and out without grasping for air. 

Whatever happens tomorrow is for tomorrow. Maybe that's what dad was trying to say about the planning. When you plan, your mind is somewhere other than in the present. It is controlling and wishing for something that may not really be in store and you end up not trusting the present because you're shooting for something. To give another or the universe for that matter, room to be, you relinquish your pushing of what you want that picture to look like and you simply let the artist give you his art. 

In terms of music, I almost feel that as letting jazz be jazz (the unexpected notes you can't predict). You enjoy the beauty it is for what it is. 

And you give yourself permission to change your mind, to think of an experience differently and to see the experience for what it is; instead of feeling disappointed because it didn't happen as you planned. It rarely does and then you just set yourself up for sadness...instead, live for today and enjoy the fireworks as they happen. Enjoy your freedom in movement, moment to moment and allow others their own freedom to be. They can't affect you; only your thoughts and attachment affects you. 

Wow. So not scary. So different. So loving to you and the world. So much more vast in possibility. 

"Whatever Comes From the Heart Makes Me Happy"

It hit me the other day after talking to a friend that paving your own way is scary and feels uncomfortable. No matter how great or small the feat; how big or small the impact of your creation.  Not ground breaking news. I've known this before the conversation obviously. Yet hearing it from someone else that day ironically enough, reminded me that we all posses that light; leading us through the fear towards our unfolding greatness. The conversation reminded me  that we are all creating paths in our lives, from moment to moment, that are new to us and never before seen in the world because they have never- in the history of the world - been created by our own hands. 

It's funny how we sometimes (and maybe often times) don't see our own greatness. How tough it is to be in the moment and pave the way towards something unknown, and the only light leading the way ahead is the faith you have in yourself. There are no other voices, no other obvious pats on the back of encouragement or direction from the outside telling you to follow a pattern. Just your own little, humble and quiet light pushing you to give it a shot because it makes your heart happy. How powerful. 

What unfolds is a reflection of the love we have for ourselves. When we start there, something great happens - for you and for the world. When it makes our hearts happy, it lets us go past the fear and we actually start enjoying the process rather than worrying about the perception it leaves in others' eyes. 

Felix Mendelssohn wrote a short note to his friend, Ferdinand David, a violinist, on July 30, 1838 regarding the E-minor violin concerto they were working on at the time. According to Wikipedia, "After a long period of relative denigration due to changing musical tastes and anti-Semitism in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, his creative originality has now been recognised and re-evaluated. He is now among the most popular composers of the Romantic era."

He wrote: 

     "...I feel that with every piece I get further toward being able to write what is really in my heart, and in fact that is the only rule of conduct I have. If I am not destined for popularity I do not want to study or struggle to win it; or if you think that is not the way to speak, let us say I cannot study to win it. For I really cannot, and I don't want to be able to. Whatever comes from the heart makes me happy, in its outward effects as well..." 

My wish for you (and for me:) is that you take time and really listen to your heart and allow it to make you happy...

October 21, 2011

Atlanta Friends...My dad teaches Yoga! Go see him!


My dad has been a yoga student and teacher for years now and he is currently teaching at his apartment complex (ENSO) in East Atlanta on Sundays for those of you who are interested. You are guaranteed to laugh and really gain something out of his classes...He'll also gladly spend time with you for any specific goals or needs you may have.

He's looking to build a strong enough following so that he can fully dedicate himself to doing what he loves...and by the way, he was born to do this...he's amazing!

So please, please check him out. Donations only for now so no lavish fees for yoga anymore! Tell your friends around the city. Post this flyer...Spread the word!

Many thanks! I know you'll really enjoy it. I wish I could more often...:)

(Feel free to contact me if you need directions or have any questions /

June 21, 2011

It's ok - come out and say it

I've come to a realization; an awakening; an 'ah ha!'; or a 'sh*t', moment. It feels great, freeing, fear-full, uncomfortable, and why did I do that for so long, self-punishment - all at the same time.

So I take a breath and release the negative stuff because I really just can't handle salt in the wound. I release the pressure a little. Stare at the feeling in the face and embrace it. It's just me unveiling part of me that's been hidden.

I used to edit for the audience. Play my tune differently depending on what I perceive that particular person wanted to hear. And no, not to the extent of having multiple personalities, but just enough so that friction would be avoided. We all do it. It's a social expectation sometimes. Be polite. I followed that rule to the end, but at a steep price; my own authentic expression. I was the peacekeeper. Just enough so that peace (or so I thought)  would be maintained and the atmosphere would stay positive. I was liked that way. I was loved that way.

Moving through it, I realized I was tired that way. Tired and wanting to explode to just BE without regard of the consequence. We have definitely all heard this before but it feels much deeper and more freeing when put into conscious practice. Saying your thought kindly knowing it will not rub well with someone or that others won't understand and yet honoring yourself.

I've craved a connection with the world but it starts with me first. I admire so many that so effortlessly follow the principle, but I need to admire me most foremost...The connection comes to you. Your conversations now mean so much more. You learn to love yourself because you're exposing all of it and not silencing your curiosity to want to come out...amazing how the perspective changes...the view is much more vibrant and alive.

It's scarier to ignore than to live it. I promise. No matter what, at the end of the day, you're enough. You're still you and realize how great that is. You're not going to bed feeling inadequate or shrinking from the world, but you're thanking the day for the greatness it brought to you and how much more light you were able to take in because of your openness. The panoramic view expands completely and it's so beautiful.

In the mean time, I'll continue to grow. To dig and uncover secrets I've been keeping from myself. Visions I have for myself buried inside that were too afraid to speak up. I'll vocalize that and paint it and put it out there for the universe. I need that for my heart; for my happiness. I can share with you what I see and maybe through my own journey inspire you to trust in yours.

Love yourself enough to let it shine through completely - as it is.

That's not only enough; it's PERFECT(ly you).

June 2, 2011

Love & Growth Beyond Measure...What is success to you?

I've had this quote saved for a long time and re-read it recently. The power of the written word can really grab hold of you. This touched me so deeply now as if I had it saved all those years for this day...

Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water. The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more.
If you refuse to change your job (if you dont like it), the only sensible thing you can do is practice loving it every day.
Enjoy everything that happens in your life, but never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person, place, or thing.
The more you see yourself as what youd like to become, and act as if what you want is already there, the more youll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to transform your dream into your reality.
Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. Thats a fundamental   mistake. Happiness is something you are, and it comes from the way you think.
You are in a partnership with all other human beings, not a contest to be judged better than some and worse than others.
Life is never boring, but some people choose to be bored . . . boredom is a choice.
Treat yourself and others with kindness when you eat, exercise, play, work, love, and everything else.
Moneylike health, love, happiness, and all forms of success that you want to create for yourselfis the result of living purposefully. It is not a goal unto itself.
The opposite of courage is not so much fear as it is conformity.
Try viewing everyone who comes into your life as a teacher.
Forgiveness is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. If you cant learn to forgive, you can forget about achieving true   success in your life.
There are limits to material growth, but there are no limits to inner enlightenment.

May 31, 2011

The Heart of a Woman

The heart of a woman
No limit extends to others without thought 
Unconditional and not premeditated
Giving until others are happy
Extending until there is outside calm
Keeping the peace at the sake of her own uneasiness 
Pushing her wish because it doesn't fit in
No one asked - she just does 

Until the day she is weary and doesn't know why
Until she has nothing left for herself and finally realizes that it all needs to start with herself 
Her heart is hers first and foremost and is not to be given away only to be shared : it's nearness alone can breathe such life into another
Ensuring others' happiness before her own
Through time, it all leaves her empty with a realization that all she needs is her own medicine to heal
Her own love to uplift
Her own hug to warm
Her own smile to cheer
Her own adventures to inspire
Her own ear to feel seen
Her own song to awaken her
Her own prayer to believe again
Her own heart to bring her back & fill her with love

Throw yourself a party

You're the guest of honor and you're the only guest.
You're initial reaction may be to think, 'how sad'.
Instead, think, 'how liberating', 'how fun', 'how freeing'...

Because it'll be the party of the century.
The party you've been wanting to attend.
The party of your life.
Celebrating YOU!

I'm opening myself up. I'm releasing one finger at a time of this clenched fist of mine.
Allowing myself to feel with the palm of my hand.
I'm tearing down walls and seeing lots of exposed things I've known have always been there but never taken the time to really look and feel them.
There's a lot of dust, dirt, animals that jump out and surprise me; There's also lots of great pictures, memories that make me smile and laugh out loud. Lots of warmth and a little worry about how to redesign that space.

I'm learning to forgive myself for for not granting permission to feel all of it. I think I skated - glided through the surface of many experiences in my life and kept moving to forget, to not feel; to not feel the pains; to not feel the depths of joy for fear of them leaving. Luke warm enough to get a little bit of both and move on.

In retrospect, I haven't been very nice to the real me. I've pushed her aside. Ignored her; forced her to be someone she is not and told her to suck it up when she was weary or losing faith. Left me feeling scared - alone - weary to be me.

Today and moving forward, I forgive myself for not showing up; for not standing up FOR myself; forgive myself for skimming by the hurt; numbing the great just to make it's goodbye seem less painful or significant; for distracting myself with things that weren't meaningful.

So welcome me to my own party. Celebrating all of it. Celebrating the freedom to feel all of it; Celebrating not having to ask for permission to be me and for not having to apologize for any of it.

There's no need to be sorry. You are exactly what you need to be at this moment. You are fully equipped with beautiful gifts for yourself and for this world. Open the box. Go ahead. Throw it all up in the air and hug it...each piece of you.

Celebrate yourself today...

May 25, 2011

What moves in you?

Feet planted solid on the earth. The wobbling stops. Balance is felt for a moment. Something excites, steps are taken to explore what's ahead. There is no thought other than the happiness of discovering and trust takes over.  Huge smiles. Pure happiness. Suddenly, the momentum stops, the mind takes over, questioning what was happening, breaking the rhythm of steps forward, the wobbling starts, a little balance is lost, and a slow fall to the ground; exactly where it all started.

My one year old looks up at me, smiles, and with a little reassurance from his Mami, he gets back up; as if it never happened.

From infancy to adulthood, we go through the same motions; we just tend to keep the awareness of those steps buried and change some labels, reasons, excuses- walking in fear of falling so we walk in ways that isn't aligned with the way we really want to walk; or how it feels the best.

He's taught me so much already; that little guy. He's cracked me open; forced me to look at myself and how to participate again. He's given me the faith to know that I am enough and everything I need to be. And doesn't even know it; although I make sure to tell him all the time.

Today, I will let the spirit move in me, as they say. I will quiet my judging and defining mind and just walk. Just move. One foot in front of the other. I've been trying to practice that lately. Not thinking about every step and just trusting my actions, and it's amazing how the universe listens. Something opens up and the world around you seems so much more connected and understanding. The best part is that it's so much easier when I don't weigh myself down with judgements and when I'm not measuring my next move.  It happens when I practice yoga; when I play guitar or sing; when I write. So I record that feeling and try to apply it to other things no matter how small...or difficult.

I've been frozen for a long time; almost hiding without knowing it. Life has really awakened me through some major changes and I've had to shift my thinking and walk the talk of some philosophies I've been carrying around for years. I couldn't hide from myself anymore because if I wanted to show my baby GLove the beauty of the world around us, I had to actually believe in it. That terrified me until I started to actually see it again after a long time of hiding from it. And as annoying as the saying goes, it's true; it all starts within you. Can't sell what you don't believe in.

So here I am. One foot in front of the other.

May 24, 2011

The Business of Authenticity

Here's the thing about dreaming. You can dream to hide those things in your soul that need your attention but are too scary to face. That sort of dreaming will take you on a ride that seems like real life; as if you're truly living. It feels real. It's probably fun and full of activity or it's quiet but painless; actually a little numb. And you are subconsciously aware of that but choose to go on. It's ok. It's timing, it's where you are. Just know eventually you will wake up. and you do. It happens one day (and you'll know it when you do) in the midst of where these actions took you, that life you built around you, to find that you're someone else completely. That those things your soul was asking of you are still very much there and wanting your love and action. They just can't be ignored because they ARE you. 

So you realize this and wonder how the hell to make that work in this life you mustered up to hide from those things in the first place. (insert map here...I know...stick with me) Do you start over? Do you try to make it work? But how can others possibly understand? How do you move forward? In a sense, through growth and love, who cares, yes...all answers respectively....This is usually the time of panic, fear, darkness, sadness, confusion but remember that it is a shift. It is all a shift and everything will be alright. Just breathe, let it in, feel it, and know that this is you so express it. 

There there's the dreaming you actually manifest when you're wide awake. Ah, that's the best because you're authentic to the moment. You're breathing in the freshest air and you don't have to apologize because it's all pure and honest and real This is a consciousness that is more visualizing realizty than 'dreaming' to escape. Such a big difference. They may feel the same; that's the tricky partk but only you know whether you're hiding or leaving it all out there for the world to see and for you to feel it's presence. 

So here I am. In the midst of this discovery and shedding new skin. I am being authentic to myself, to the world around me. It's a practice. You can't just 'get it' one day and move on. It's a series of waves and you fear, get excited, fear again, relish, all in one breath sometimes. It's life. It's you. 

I'm learning to release those energies. That which is inside must come out - nice. But it's true. Show yourself and love it. All of it. No one's watching. No one can judge and do anything to you. It's just you. Be happy. Be silly. Love. Cry. Dance. Sing. Sing some more. Love yourself. 

I'm just starting this blog thing and my intent is to share my 'humanness' with you. Hopefully you'll find it helpful and inspiring for yourself - you may not. Maybe tomorrow. When you're ready. I'll be here writing, sharing, living...being.