December 11, 2011


Today, I feel at peace with myself. 
Theres no torment. Ive done all I can ad more. I breathe in and out without grasping for air. 

Whatever happens tomorrow is for tomorrow. Maybe that's what dad was trying to say about the planning. When you plan, your mind is somewhere other than in the present. It is controlling and wishing for something that may not really be in store and you end up not trusting the present because you're shooting for something. To give another or the universe for that matter, room to be, you relinquish your pushing of what you want that picture to look like and you simply let the artist give you his art. 

In terms of music, I almost feel that as letting jazz be jazz (the unexpected notes you can't predict). You enjoy the beauty it is for what it is. 

And you give yourself permission to change your mind, to think of an experience differently and to see the experience for what it is; instead of feeling disappointed because it didn't happen as you planned. It rarely does and then you just set yourself up for sadness...instead, live for today and enjoy the fireworks as they happen. Enjoy your freedom in movement, moment to moment and allow others their own freedom to be. They can't affect you; only your thoughts and attachment affects you. 

Wow. So not scary. So different. So loving to you and the world. So much more vast in possibility. 

"Whatever Comes From the Heart Makes Me Happy"

It hit me the other day after talking to a friend that paving your own way is scary and feels uncomfortable. No matter how great or small the feat; how big or small the impact of your creation.  Not ground breaking news. I've known this before the conversation obviously. Yet hearing it from someone else that day ironically enough, reminded me that we all posses that light; leading us through the fear towards our unfolding greatness. The conversation reminded me  that we are all creating paths in our lives, from moment to moment, that are new to us and never before seen in the world because they have never- in the history of the world - been created by our own hands. 

It's funny how we sometimes (and maybe often times) don't see our own greatness. How tough it is to be in the moment and pave the way towards something unknown, and the only light leading the way ahead is the faith you have in yourself. There are no other voices, no other obvious pats on the back of encouragement or direction from the outside telling you to follow a pattern. Just your own little, humble and quiet light pushing you to give it a shot because it makes your heart happy. How powerful. 

What unfolds is a reflection of the love we have for ourselves. When we start there, something great happens - for you and for the world. When it makes our hearts happy, it lets us go past the fear and we actually start enjoying the process rather than worrying about the perception it leaves in others' eyes. 

Felix Mendelssohn wrote a short note to his friend, Ferdinand David, a violinist, on July 30, 1838 regarding the E-minor violin concerto they were working on at the time. According to Wikipedia, "After a long period of relative denigration due to changing musical tastes and anti-Semitism in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, his creative originality has now been recognised and re-evaluated. He is now among the most popular composers of the Romantic era."

He wrote: 

     "...I feel that with every piece I get further toward being able to write what is really in my heart, and in fact that is the only rule of conduct I have. If I am not destined for popularity I do not want to study or struggle to win it; or if you think that is not the way to speak, let us say I cannot study to win it. For I really cannot, and I don't want to be able to. Whatever comes from the heart makes me happy, in its outward effects as well..." 

My wish for you (and for me:) is that you take time and really listen to your heart and allow it to make you happy...