August 22, 2012

Getting there v Being there

I've been struggling with the quandary of having these inspiring and amazing visions of what I want my life to look and feel like. I can see it so clearly. I even get excited knowing it'll happen one day. Anxious that I want it to happen NOW and I need to start working at it NOW. I'm THAT confident in the good of this life and maybe even equally naive. Those are both adjectives used in retrospect though, aren't they?

It's easy to judge until the opposite result happens and then the editing takes place...'I knew you could do it'...when initially all you heard was, 'you're so over confident'; 'you're so naive'. And of course, these are internal voices I'm describing. All to smother the louder voice that's actually having these grandiose visions in the first place.

The torture we put ourselves through. How we so easily try to diminish things that make us innately happy or excited about life. Is it out of fear that it won't happen? Is it out of fear that it will? Who are we to deserve such exotic and amazing things in one life? How dare I NOT achieve these monumental experiences?

No wonder we feel stuck sometimes. All that noise and pressure could freeze the coolest cat in his tracks.

I haven't been doing a great job at it lately, and yet I still know that in these moments of noise and self-judgement, my greatest power is to let them pass. To listen and let them keep walking. To sit still and be quiet so they can have their say and move on. Because the best part is when your mind is silent and finds a small peaceful moment that allows you to hear the real voice come through. You hear the purest part of you tell you exactly where you are and what you want. And that's the voice that will say, 'Go for it'. Be free to do as you really want...nothing else. Period. Do it.

The beauty of having these large and thrilling visions for your life is that it is pure freedom. Especially when you're not running away from something. Especially when you've done the work to know what's good for you and what will lead you towards growth. Especially when you're in reality enough to know everything takes work and the scariest and most daunting steps are most often the golden stepping stones to that next chapter in your life. No shortcuts. No way around it. When that's felt, you know you're onto something special and that you are being led to the next phase of your life.

I've learned enough to realize that when I'm grateful for the smallest things in my life; For the smallest moments that make me happy; blasting my car stereo with the sunroof open, being greeted by name at the local coffee shop, opening the door for an older gentleman who was so surprised a woman was doing something nice for him (his words verbatim!), my son climbing on me like a monkey laughing hysterically,...the tiniest moments that could have easily been forgotten or not even noticed, somehow left impressions to be grateful for the life I live RIGHT NOW. And that simple joy is what's giving me the fuel to keep going. To know that my life will continue to evolve and shift and I will keep stretching myself to grow.

So maybe it's finding that quiet and satisfaction in the moments of your days that fuels you for the amazing visions that lay ahead. Maybe that's the balance of being somewhere with both feet planted firmly on the ground, so that you can take a step towards finding everything you could have ever imagined and more for your life.

We're constantly moving. Even if we don't feel like it. Even if our days are copies of the last with the exception of the clothing you wear (even that doesn't change for some). Even if we choose to do the same thing day in, day out. We're moving forward. We're learning something. We're evolving.

And if we're allergic to patterns and do something different every day on purpose; out of fear that we'll be stuck in a mundane life, what are we running from? What scares us if we stop and sit still? Knowing that we are who we are regardless of what we do or where we are or what surrounds us. And being thankful for the awesomeness that is you. No bells and whistles and distractions needed.

It's when we decide to change the rhythm a bit and break the pattern (whatever that might be); When we make a decision to walk towards that vision that you just can't shake. It's when the dream won't shut up and keeps tugging at you - even if you're uncertain about it. There could be a million reasons why it could never work out and yet it only takes one reason for it to work out and change your life; propelling you into growth and experiences like you never could have imagined - and yet as if it's been planned for you all along.

That's the good stuff. That's what has been stirring inside of me for a long time and the voice is only getting louder and the sights are clearer and more alive than ever. I was born to have an extraordinary life. We all were. I've always felt the responsibility to continue pushing myself to reveal that potential; I just recently learned to let go of paralyzing fear and found enough joy with the life I lead to give me the energy to walk the talk. It's no longer a deep pressure. It has become a freedom; an excitement; a joy.

You'll never know if you don't take that first step. And hey, you already took a few steps, leaps and bounds just to get to where you are right now. That's pretty amazing in of itself, isn't it?