May 25, 2011

What moves in you?

Feet planted solid on the earth. The wobbling stops. Balance is felt for a moment. Something excites, steps are taken to explore what's ahead. There is no thought other than the happiness of discovering and trust takes over.  Huge smiles. Pure happiness. Suddenly, the momentum stops, the mind takes over, questioning what was happening, breaking the rhythm of steps forward, the wobbling starts, a little balance is lost, and a slow fall to the ground; exactly where it all started.

My one year old looks up at me, smiles, and with a little reassurance from his Mami, he gets back up; as if it never happened.

From infancy to adulthood, we go through the same motions; we just tend to keep the awareness of those steps buried and change some labels, reasons, excuses- walking in fear of falling so we walk in ways that isn't aligned with the way we really want to walk; or how it feels the best.

He's taught me so much already; that little guy. He's cracked me open; forced me to look at myself and how to participate again. He's given me the faith to know that I am enough and everything I need to be. And doesn't even know it; although I make sure to tell him all the time.

Today, I will let the spirit move in me, as they say. I will quiet my judging and defining mind and just walk. Just move. One foot in front of the other. I've been trying to practice that lately. Not thinking about every step and just trusting my actions, and it's amazing how the universe listens. Something opens up and the world around you seems so much more connected and understanding. The best part is that it's so much easier when I don't weigh myself down with judgements and when I'm not measuring my next move.  It happens when I practice yoga; when I play guitar or sing; when I write. So I record that feeling and try to apply it to other things no matter how small...or difficult.

I've been frozen for a long time; almost hiding without knowing it. Life has really awakened me through some major changes and I've had to shift my thinking and walk the talk of some philosophies I've been carrying around for years. I couldn't hide from myself anymore because if I wanted to show my baby GLove the beauty of the world around us, I had to actually believe in it. That terrified me until I started to actually see it again after a long time of hiding from it. And as annoying as the saying goes, it's true; it all starts within you. Can't sell what you don't believe in.

So here I am. One foot in front of the other.

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