May 25, 2011

What moves in you?

Feet planted solid on the earth. The wobbling stops. Balance is felt for a moment. Something excites, steps are taken to explore what's ahead. There is no thought other than the happiness of discovering and trust takes over.  Huge smiles. Pure happiness. Suddenly, the momentum stops, the mind takes over, questioning what was happening, breaking the rhythm of steps forward, the wobbling starts, a little balance is lost, and a slow fall to the ground; exactly where it all started.

My one year old looks up at me, smiles, and with a little reassurance from his Mami, he gets back up; as if it never happened.

From infancy to adulthood, we go through the same motions; we just tend to keep the awareness of those steps buried and change some labels, reasons, excuses- walking in fear of falling so we walk in ways that isn't aligned with the way we really want to walk; or how it feels the best.

He's taught me so much already; that little guy. He's cracked me open; forced me to look at myself and how to participate again. He's given me the faith to know that I am enough and everything I need to be. And doesn't even know it; although I make sure to tell him all the time.

Today, I will let the spirit move in me, as they say. I will quiet my judging and defining mind and just walk. Just move. One foot in front of the other. I've been trying to practice that lately. Not thinking about every step and just trusting my actions, and it's amazing how the universe listens. Something opens up and the world around you seems so much more connected and understanding. The best part is that it's so much easier when I don't weigh myself down with judgements and when I'm not measuring my next move.  It happens when I practice yoga; when I play guitar or sing; when I write. So I record that feeling and try to apply it to other things no matter how small...or difficult.

I've been frozen for a long time; almost hiding without knowing it. Life has really awakened me through some major changes and I've had to shift my thinking and walk the talk of some philosophies I've been carrying around for years. I couldn't hide from myself anymore because if I wanted to show my baby GLove the beauty of the world around us, I had to actually believe in it. That terrified me until I started to actually see it again after a long time of hiding from it. And as annoying as the saying goes, it's true; it all starts within you. Can't sell what you don't believe in.

So here I am. One foot in front of the other.

May 24, 2011

The Business of Authenticity

Here's the thing about dreaming. You can dream to hide those things in your soul that need your attention but are too scary to face. That sort of dreaming will take you on a ride that seems like real life; as if you're truly living. It feels real. It's probably fun and full of activity or it's quiet but painless; actually a little numb. And you are subconsciously aware of that but choose to go on. It's ok. It's timing, it's where you are. Just know eventually you will wake up. and you do. It happens one day (and you'll know it when you do) in the midst of where these actions took you, that life you built around you, to find that you're someone else completely. That those things your soul was asking of you are still very much there and wanting your love and action. They just can't be ignored because they ARE you. 

So you realize this and wonder how the hell to make that work in this life you mustered up to hide from those things in the first place. (insert map here...I know...stick with me) Do you start over? Do you try to make it work? But how can others possibly understand? How do you move forward? In a sense, through growth and love, who cares, yes...all answers respectively....This is usually the time of panic, fear, darkness, sadness, confusion but remember that it is a shift. It is all a shift and everything will be alright. Just breathe, let it in, feel it, and know that this is you so express it. 

There there's the dreaming you actually manifest when you're wide awake. Ah, that's the best because you're authentic to the moment. You're breathing in the freshest air and you don't have to apologize because it's all pure and honest and real This is a consciousness that is more visualizing realizty than 'dreaming' to escape. Such a big difference. They may feel the same; that's the tricky partk but only you know whether you're hiding or leaving it all out there for the world to see and for you to feel it's presence. 

So here I am. In the midst of this discovery and shedding new skin. I am being authentic to myself, to the world around me. It's a practice. You can't just 'get it' one day and move on. It's a series of waves and you fear, get excited, fear again, relish, all in one breath sometimes. It's life. It's you. 

I'm learning to release those energies. That which is inside must come out - nice. But it's true. Show yourself and love it. All of it. No one's watching. No one can judge and do anything to you. It's just you. Be happy. Be silly. Love. Cry. Dance. Sing. Sing some more. Love yourself. 

I'm just starting this blog thing and my intent is to share my 'humanness' with you. Hopefully you'll find it helpful and inspiring for yourself - you may not. Maybe tomorrow. When you're ready. I'll be here writing, sharing, living...being.