I've come to a realization; an awakening; an 'ah ha!'; or a 'sh*t', moment. It feels great, freeing, fear-full, uncomfortable, and why did I do that for so long, self-punishment - all at the same time.
So I take a breath and release the negative stuff because I really just can't handle salt in the wound. I release the pressure a little. Stare at the feeling in the face and embrace it. It's just me unveiling part of me that's been hidden.
I used to edit for the audience. Play my tune differently depending on what I perceive that particular person wanted to hear. And no, not to the extent of having multiple personalities, but just enough so that friction would be avoided. We all do it. It's a social expectation sometimes. Be polite. I followed that rule to the end, but at a steep price; my own authentic expression. I was the peacekeeper. Just enough so that peace (or so I thought) would be maintained and the atmosphere would stay positive. I was liked that way. I was loved that way.
Moving through it, I realized I was tired that way. Tired and wanting to explode to just BE without regard of the consequence. We have definitely all heard this before but it feels much deeper and more freeing when put into conscious practice. Saying your thought kindly knowing it will not rub well with someone or that others won't understand and yet honoring yourself.
I've craved a connection with the world but it starts with me first. I admire so many that so effortlessly follow the principle, but I need to admire me most foremost...The connection comes to you. Your conversations now mean so much more. You learn to love yourself because you're exposing all of it and not silencing your curiosity to want to come out...amazing how the perspective changes...the view is much more vibrant and alive.
It's scarier to ignore than to live it. I promise. No matter what, at the end of the day, you're enough. You're still you and realize how great that is. You're not going to bed feeling inadequate or shrinking from the world, but you're thanking the day for the greatness it brought to you and how much more light you were able to take in because of your openness. The panoramic view expands completely and it's so beautiful.
In the mean time, I'll continue to grow. To dig and uncover secrets I've been keeping from myself. Visions I have for myself buried inside that were too afraid to speak up. I'll vocalize that and paint it and put it out there for the universe. I need that for my heart; for my happiness. I can share with you what I see and maybe through my own journey inspire you to trust in yours.
Love yourself enough to let it shine through completely - as it is.
That's not only enough; it's PERFECT(ly you).