Weather

I'm going to piss you off. 

I'm going to annoy you. 

It's guaranteed you will want to run away from me. 

Trust that your heart is in safekeeping, no matter the weather. 

My love is freely yours. 

~ Self 

I see him

He has a heart of gold. Expansive like the horizon and yet he keeps it to himself. He denies it. All of the tenderest ones do. The ones with the best memories and purest souls. He guards it with all of his might and covers as a sustainable machine who doesn't need love. Promising and shouting to never open his beating center again. Vowing to never let another in. Most crucially, to never need it. He swears to the heavens he is better without. In all of these promises of not feeling a damn thing, I hear his heart cry out. I feel the pain of his self-imposed solitude. Like unseen thunder, the ground beneath me trembles from his pleading heart. 

I see him. 

I can't love him enough to melt his walls. Only he can do that for himself. My words won't wake him or instill trust. My actions won't soften his grip. He can't see me and see love. He needs to find it for himself. 

Go. Go be cracked open. Allow yourself to melt like a puddle in love's warmth and tenderness. The pain you are trying to avoid is greatest in the starvation of love. And you have so much to give. 

To love you is to be a fool knowing it will go unseen and un-felt. My wasted heart is beating into an abyss. I have no control over it. She knows what she feels. She sees you. The harder you push the clearer you become. Your pain glows through your translucent walls.  Your fear is real and she begs you to see; to see for yourself that it isn't so. That this love won't hurt. And you run faster and further away. 

So I send you this prayer to satisfy my heart so that I can let you go. I could use some nourishment in return. I could use someone to hold me and support me. Hopefully he will see me as clearly as you saw me and he'll be able to stay. He'll be able to love beyond his walls.

I hope you get what you need

I hope I do too 

Perspectives

Sometimes I can't tell if God is protecting me from something, 

or if I'm protecting myself from God. 

Don't You See?

Don't you see? 

Your breath is enough to give my wings flight. 

Your song gives my tired heart the rhythm it needed to awaken. 

Your courage stokes this fire that has been kindling in my belly. 

Your smile warms my bones like a summer day. 

Your release of what does not serve you allows my exhale to surrender. 

Your trust ignites the stars above so I can have evidence enough of my magic. 

Your song lifts me forward in grace. 

Your creation reminds me of the boundless possibilities I can manifest. 

This is our exchange. Our inhales and exhales take turns on this mysterious and wondrous journey.  

And so we remind one another of what it is to truly live. Your love brings color to the dreams I want to unleash. 

I am the ocean and you the sky. 

The infinite horizon between us blurs. 

Most humans can't distinguish where we separate. 

We don't darling. 

We are one in the same. 

An interdependent being of experiences, inspirations and lessons. 

You see it now? 

I knew you would. 

I Am

I breathe deeply. Inhaling and exhaling, breathing life into the depths of me because I have had the wind knocked out of me. I lived once with shallow breaths until I knew enough how deeply I truly wanted to breathe. So I do. And so I am. 

I sing because it feels as though I could fly; away from the cage in which I sometimes paint myself. Song is freedom and connection to the truest and oldest part of my soul. It is how I come alive. I sing. I am. 

I run because I was told to stand still and walk in straight lines for the majority of my life. I continued out of not knowing there was another way; until I figured it out when it became uncomfortable enough. So I run to remind myself I can pave my own way; that I'm not tied to anything, anyone or to myself. I run even when I don't know where I'm going. I run. I am. 

I stare at the sky in awe. Day or night. I stare. I stretch out my arms and feel how boundless I am. I stare in gratitude for the world around me and the gift it is to be alive. I stare because It is a reminder of how small I sometimes shrink into made up stories. I stretch and stare at the infinite horizons and skies to show that there really are no limits. I am. 

I write words because it is the spine of who I am. Writing is a manifestation of my dialogue with this universe. It is how I feel through my humanness and how I listen to the Divine. Words come through me and reveal my soul's whispers and screams. Words breathe life into my observations. It is how I breathe, smile, cry, study, connect and feel life. They are my reminder, my humility, my possibility, my empowerment, relief and hope. Words are my mirror; my greatest teacher. I write. I am. 

I practice yoga. It is my sanctuary. Yoga is how I use my body to explore within. It is my practice for evolution, love, forgiveness, gratitude, acceptance, surrender, and to break through barriers. I practice yoga to connect with my spirit, with others, with this body on this ground and to the God of my own unique understanding. It is how I observe my thoughts. How my body listens to my head. And how my head bows to my heart. Yoga is strengthening the foundation in preparation for flight. Root to rise. I practice. I am. 

I meditate to listen. To return. To begin again and again. To allow my spirit the breathing room it deserves. I meditate to be. To open myself to a connection grander than myself. I meditate to allow myself the space and silence to be. Without judgement or thought. In silence, I am. 

I am. 

A Mother's Love

I hope he lives without mental barriers. 

I wish him to know only the joy in him saying 'yes!'  

I do everything I can to instill and encourage a free heart and uninhibited spirit. 

That his happiness has no limits and his love, no walls. 

I hope he trusts that life is as open and available to him as he is to it. 

I hope he feels the magic he exudes is reflected back to him. 

There is no distinction between us

We have taken many trips together around the sun, you and I. 

The moon has blanketed our dreams with its stars, as we surrender into blissful sleep every night. 

The fire of the day has kindled our possibilities until they implode and the Universe inside of us is unleashed. 

Infinite stars line our belly. 

The moon in our throats and the sun between our eyes. 

We are one. 

There is no distinction between us.