The swtich

You deserve to be happy.

I never really let that absorb inside of me until today.

Never understood it's real meaning; beyond just words, until today.

It hit me. 

I've always looked at happiness and doing what I wanted to really do that manifested deep happiness inside as a sort of laziness. Something that I could never do because it meant I was being unruly; rebellious; irresponsible. Because it made me happy, it wasn't serious enough to make a living. Taking vocal lessons in college and participating in the arts as a profession, that was laziness and irresponsibility in my house as a kid. If you're wildly happy, you're not working hard enough or taking life seriously enough. The translation? Success is sacrifice and misery. Yuck. That's gloomy shit. 

Happiness was for the weekends or for volleyball after school, or dance or guitar in my room, or vacations. That freedom of your insides laughing out loud was kept for allotted times that were socially acceptable to participate in activities that could only give you that emotion. A time and a place. Being deserving of any life came with hard work and sacrifice.

It's been work alright. Work to un-do that chain of thought (literally keeping you chained from living) and to have the courage to dip your toes in the ocean just because it felt good. To know that unruly and wild happiness and laughter and smiles have become necessary pars for the course in my life - regardless of what is going on or not going on. Anytime. Any place.

I've always had a trust in the truth that whatever comes to you effortlessly and beautifully, is your gift. It's what you actually sacrifice your heart least for and with reckless abandon exudes out of you, that life draws out of you to share. That's what gives you the highest form of happiness. 

Without judgement on what that thought is - You deserve to be Happy.  I am simply finally able to see the difference between words and living it. To swiftly welcome those words in when I worked so hard to not allow them to overcome me. To ask for it and know, that you not only need it, but that you're not really living if you don't have that unabashed, unruly, wildfire, ignition in your belly that says, 'yahoo!'. It IS your responsibility. 

Abundance in greatness is more than just ok, it's the highest form of living. It's being grateful out loud for your gifts. Humility and meekness only prepare you for being able to handle such responsibility of living in greatness. I've done my time in those worlds and now i'm ready. I know the difference so much so to appreciate the responsibility of being able to handle greatness.  I'm truly at a place where I have worked hard enough and felt the other empty side. I have put my head down to work hard enough to know you can't see possibility and potential beyond with your gaze to the ground.  I thought it was the only way to be. 

Allowing goodness and greatness into my life is necessary. It's a heartbeat. It's oxygen in your lungs that allow you to sigh in awe. 

It's knowing that the world would not be the same without you. Starving yourself of fun and lightheartedness, starves the world of your unfiltered and relentless joy. It needs what turns you on to feed what keeps the world going. It's all connected. You deprive yourself, you deprive us of you. We need your 'woot woot!'. Your yahoooooooo. Your spark.

Keep it going. Have fun. Be free. Make a life full of it. Be happy; no matter what they say.