Be Loved

Oh my darling, live life as only you can. Dive in and reach into your chest for that bright and beautiful heart of yours. Let it be your guide, your muse, your music; setting the rhythm for each sacred and perfectly placed step you take. As you dance in this curious space outside of you, smile in all of your glory knowing that the neurosis and wisdom come from the same place.

Fear is magnified in its knowing you will soon override it's existence with a wondrous 'yes'. So go on, my darling. Live as only you can. There are no molds or boundaries. You are far too vast of a light to be constricted by such mirages.  Freedom is inside you, roaming through your veins as the infinite figure circulates your desires; energizing you towards the unexplored.

Love will sustain you, guide you and lift you, to evolve into remembrance of the soul that carries you.

So no holding back. Go make those 'mistakes', if that's what holds you back. Make them loud and clear until they begin to blend with your magic. Make every step with intention. Say it loudly and purposefully. We need to hear you.  We need all of you. It is why you are here. To be loved.

 Every bit of you. We need to love you.

So you see, my darling. Live life as only you can. It is how we are all fed and loved; by your true essence. It is the reason why you are here. Let us love you.

If we look back...

May we thank our moments of blindness, for we appreciate how immaculate our other senses become in our being.

May we thank the night, for our light, no matter how doubtful and void of it we may feel, radiates ever so evidently in its midst. The darker it gets, the more impossible it becomes to question its existence and beauty.

And our fears and judgements.; thank them, too because without them, our challenges may never prove to us our boundless potential for greatness. Under seemingly impossible circumstances, thank each obstacle which gifted us in proving that we indeed are enough.  Our light is all we ever need to rise above and fear is nothing but an illusionary noise, right before we say 'Yes'.

I would pull the sky apart to find you.

I am not a patient woman.

I am also stubborn.

I knowingly live as if I had control of design or chance.

As if I had control over the many times our souls have sparked in recognition.

The only way

Life is feeling more like love these days. It seems like the kind of love that you end up fighting for without even knowing it. Fighting for the hope of its existence. You've been battling with what you don't want, only knowing what you want to feel. You go through this long, twisting, wringing-out of your soul, to find what is left over. It's what you needed to release so that you could finally stand without being diluted by a version of you; So that you can give the fullest expression of you. It's the sudden realization you've been at it for a while; negotiating and wrestling with the veils. The pearl that remains is the love you have. Ironically and logically, the love you've always carried with you and everything else got in its way. Now you know. 

Life has been a wringing out of excess. It's been a twisting and contorting into shapes to exhaustedly find the sweet relief in letting go. To find that in the end, what's left in the stillness and silence of my gut is one sole response:

To live and to create what I want to see in the world. To live my experience; the mosaic of a path I have pieced; the experiences that present themselves along the way; designing as I feel my way through, putting them together into focus of what I see as beautiful and what this world may need. There is no other option. That path becomes what I need to see. To feel. To believe in. 

Maybe love is like that, too. It comes along and is given back to you as a beautiful expression; a culmination of what you need to see. What you need to feel. What you believe in. 

A reminder...

As you move through this practice, notice the moments that bring forth a challenge; the fear that may arise, the active mind, the inhibition to shine. As they appear, thank them for giving you the opportunity to rise through and beyond. Thank them for the opportunity to make a choice to shine your light in those moments. As they greet you, thank them for your ability to make space for only that which enhances your beautiful light. Noticing how it feels in your body. Let the breath be your guide. Your home. Ujjayi; the victorious breath. Your power center. Your home. Lighting the way towards the sacred space within you.

Bring your palms together at your heart center, close your eyes and draw your chin into your chest, observing the Divine guiding light within you in gratitude.

Setting a collective intention, repeat in your mind after me.

I am enough.

Wherever I am in this very moment; this symphony of everything I am right now; I am perfectly and precisely enough.

In the face of challenges; the fear, the doubt that visit me; I am always enough and exactly where I need to be.

I am enough light.

I am enough love.

I am enough to shine my path as only I can and I am abundant enough that I radiate my golden light onto the world outside of me; because I am. Simply and majestically by acknowledging my light, letting go of what does not serve me and trusting that I am supported by the Universe.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

Rise

Survival isn't mandatory. You weren't going to die or drown in the struggle. You didn't fight like hell because you had to live. You fought like hell to live better. To rise above. To reach for the vision that wasn't a reality yet and needed your heart, sweat, tears, terror and love to create your new real. 

So no. You didn't just survive. You were living grander than you ever had. Intentionally pushing and fighting the status quo because evolution to you is more important. Because a life full of love was the only way to be and so it became.

Magic

I wish there was a movie about my life. This isn't the ego talking. I merely want to see those sights in front of me again. I have lived fantasies. And they were real. I swam in fields of sunshine and danced with fireflies in bell jars. Stars were the closest they've ever been since.

I recon my childhood and adolescence were magical because I used to talk to it. I would sing to the moon and wish on stars. I'd just pick a different one the next night if it didn't come true. I'm persistent. In that persistence there must be a belief in magic, don't you think? You've gotta believe in something greater in order to keep trying.

I've lived through some wonderful things. I have amazing pictures of how it all felt. The music is great. Even the tougher times just bounced me off to the next round of fantastic. In the moment I suppose I was always asking questions. Where is this headed? What does this mean? What's the purpose?

Somewhere, I stopped talking to the starts and it all faded into a deep part of me. I chalked it up to hazy LA skies and young girl fantasies. I also know that I do still live the same way. I take pictures in my head during sunsets and laughter. I still wish. I just stopped living with that at the forefront of me.

I realized tonight. It all came back to me in a rush, you see. It's been years since I've let myself be loved. Like truly loved. I've been surviving. Putting other things in front of love. When all along, love has to go first because it's what makes everything else come alive. The list resolves itself when there's love. I had forgotten. Afraid of where it had left me or maybe where i left it.

I'd give anything to sit on a dock with a jar of lightning bugs. To not know what to do with so many stars to choose from. I couldn't see them and so believed they weren't there anymore. That I had used up my wishes and the dark sky explained it. There I was, behind those clouds.

I used to read poetry on the top floor of my university library. The best view in the city. Above the pressures. The horizon and Whitman made sense to me. I felt like myself most in those moments. I'd read for hours and not crack open the macroeconomics book. See, the answers to the big picture framework for me, were found on that floor. Life had melody and rhythm up there; those books understood me better than calculus did. it just made sense and I felt alive.

I had forgotten.

To be me.

I forced business and economies and duties for so long that I had forgotten about the ease of love. I even forced love instead of gracefully dancing with it and letting it come to me. I saw it and deemed it to be without letting it be on its own. I dismantled love.

I'm here broken open. Like lightning on a hot southern night. In despair enough ; shattered and quilted back together to know that nothing else matters. Ego is only a road that leads you to lessons so that it can challenge you to cry uncle.  Ego thinks it won because you surrendered. But you're smarter. You released it in your glory. You don't need it. You've got you. You've got magic. You are surrounded by stars and are made up of love. You are majestic and wiser beyond the infinite horizons. Your dance with life is waiting. Go ask. Go grab. Go!

So my movie? It's getting to the part where it gets great. Where it's not just the thrill of the high. It's the magic coming alive because it's seen. It's the goosebumps and all encompassing love that fills you with such a big breath your heart touches the sky. It's the part where it all comes together. The purpose reveals itself a bit more and you know you're exactly where you need to be. And exactly who you want to be.

Saying 'yes'. I see. I see it now.
Do you?