The Big Reveal

What good does writing do? 

Sometimes I'll even start writing and get so frustrated at myself thinking, 'how is this really going to help or make me realize anything or make any sort of impact? Seriously, Jocelyn. Waste of time' 

I do it anyways. 

I've written my way through most of my life and it's helped me see

And by noticing what you see outside your window, you realize who you are, to see HOW you see 

Writing helps me understand myself in a clearer, more honest light that I wouldn't have been aware of otherwise 

It gives me a voice I wouldn't have recognized otherwise

Other than the obvious falls to the ground; bloody knees and all. 

and i feel like sometimes that's the only way i learn 

the only way i can see life for what it is

no bullshit

no mask

no pretense

just as it is

dirty, and imperfect; messy and real

We're always on our best behavior and rarely do we let ourselves show what we're holding onto so tightly for protection

So what am i holding onto? What do you tend to hold onto? 

Today, right now? Everything 

i'm holding onto the scariness of this reality that is my life right now

i'm not letting go of the dark things that i face everyday- instead of holding onto brighter things that digest much more easily and give you energy to move forward 

Why do we make it harder for ourselves in already hard times? 

I'm running uphill as fast as i can and i'm running out of breath. 

i'm running out of patience to 'keep it together'. 

Maybe that's just the point. maybe I can't just 'keep it together' all the time

maybe i'm supposed to 'lose it' - to bow to the situation

 

so i can see the forest for the trees (whatever the hell that means) 

i've been uncovering so much lately 

every turn something looks different 

everything feels differently

and i feel stuck; like life isn't moving forward fast enough

and maybe that's why it's trying to slow me down 

to make sure i feel every LITTLE pebble

To be in every uncomfortable mess so i can appreciate it for what it is

so i can see myself in it and how i live in it and Trust that it's still ok 

That I'm not going to fall apart 

To see who I am in it 

To know who I am after it

i'm cleaning myself out of toxins so I can be truly receptive of life's great abundance

it's scary to let go of something - habits, thoughts, dependencies, attachments

sometimes it feels better and gives a false sense of security to cling onto something not so good for you 

just to say you have 'something' 

rather than to be alone and healthy

not knowing what your life will look like

not knowing who you will evolve to be without what you were used to holding

and trusting that the space you just cleaned out doesn't leave you alone

In fact, it creates room for you to fill yourself up without needing anything else to do it

Becoming satisfied with the complete package that you ARE (right now as you read this) 

i'm banking and working and intending to allow this space to dive in

to dive fully into the me i've wanted to be but too afraid

to do the things i've dreamed and the work that makes impact

to inspire and heal the world (regardless of the job title) 

to be the real me; not dependent on anything or anyone else for it

I have a voice regardless of what yours is

I have an opinion even if you don't like it

even if you don't understand it

even if you can't hear it for what it's intention is

i'm here even if you can't see me

even if you can't take me in

your disbelief won't make me disappear

i'm here regardless of you AND better because of you 

writing for me has always brought out the truth

my truth 

the way i see it and why

and it helps me see what i'm observing in the world

in other people and in me 

And how that affects me and helps me to grow

it's my truth

my moment magnified so i can hear it and let it in by letting it out

How do you let it out? 

Freedom

Today, I feel at peace with myself. 

Theres no torment. Ive done all I can ad more. I breathe in and out without grasping for air. 

Whatever happens tomorrow is for tomorrow. Maybe that's what dad was trying to say about the planning. When you plan, your mind is somewhere other than in the present. It is controlling and wishing for something that may not really be in store and you end up not trusting the present because you're shooting for something. To give another or the universe for that matter, room to be, you relinquish your pushing of what you want that picture to look like and you simply let the artist give you his art. 

In terms of music, I almost feel that as letting jazz be jazz (the unexpected notes you can't predict). You enjoy the beauty it is for what it is. 

And you give yourself permission to change your mind, to think of an experience differently and to see the experience for what it is; instead of feeling disappointed because it didn't happen as you planned. It rarely does and then you just set yourself up for sadness...instead, live for today and enjoy the fireworks as they happen. Enjoy your freedom in movement, moment to moment and allow others their own freedom to be. They can't affect you; only your thoughts and attachment affects you. 

Wow. So not scary. So different. So loving to you and the world. So much more vast in possibility. 

"Whatever Comes From the Heart Makes Me Happy"

It hit me the other day after talking to a friend that paving your own way is scary and feels uncomfortable. No matter how great or small the feat; how big or small the impact of your creation.  Not ground breaking news. I've known this before the conversation obviously. Yet hearing it from someone else that day ironically enough, reminded me that we all posses that light; leading us through the fear towards our unfolding greatness. The conversation reminded me  that we are all creating paths in our lives, from moment to moment, that are new to us and never before seen in the world because they have never- in the history of the world - been created by our own hands. 


It's funny how we sometimes (and maybe often times) don't see our own greatness. How tough it is to be in the moment and pave the way towards something unknown, and the only light leading the way ahead is the faith you have in yourself. There are no other voices, no other obvious pats on the back of encouragement or direction from the outside telling you to follow a pattern. Just your own little, humble and quiet light pushing you to give it a shot because it makes your heart happy. How powerful. 


What unfolds is a reflection of the love we have for ourselves. When we start there, something great happens - for you and for the world. When it makes our hearts happy, it lets us go past the fear and we actually start enjoying the process rather than worrying about the perception it leaves in others' eyes. 


Felix Mendelssohn wrote a short note to his friend, Ferdinand David, a violinist, on July 30, 1838 regarding the E-minor violin concerto they were working on at the time. According to Wikipedia, "After a long period of relative denigration due to changing musical tastes and anti-Semitism in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, his creative originality has now been recognised and re-evaluated. He is now among the most popular composers of the Romantic era."


He wrote: 


     "...I feel that with every piece I get further toward being able to write what is really in my heart, and in fact that is the only rule of conduct I have. If I am not destined for popularity I do not want to study or struggle to win it; or if you think that is not the way to speak, let us say I cannot study to win it. For I really cannot, and I don't want to be able to. Whatever comes from the heart makes me happy, in its outward effects as well..." 


My wish for you (and for me:) is that you take time and really listen to your heart and allow it to make you happy...

Atlanta Friends...My dad teaches Yoga! Go see him!

ATLANTA FRIENDS...

My dad has been a yoga student and teacher for years now and he is currently teaching at his apartment complex (ENSO) in East Atlanta on Sundays for those of you who are interested. You are guaranteed to laugh and really gain something out of his classes...He'll also gladly spend time with you for any specific goals or needs you may have.

He's looking to build a strong enough following so that he can fully dedicate himself to doing what he loves...and by the way, he was born to do this...he's amazing!

So please, please check him out. Donations only for now so no lavish fees for yoga anymore! Tell your friends around the city. Post this flyer...Spread the word!

Many thanks! I know you'll really enjoy it. I wish I could more often...:)

(Feel free to contact me if you need directions or have any questions / jocelynblanco@mac.com)

It's ok - come out and say it

I've come to a realization; an awakening; an 'ah ha!'; or a 'sh*t', moment. It feels great, freeing, fear-full, uncomfortable, and why did I do that for so long, self-punishment - all at the same time.

So I take a breath and release the negative stuff because I really just can't handle salt in the wound. I release the pressure a little. Stare at the feeling in the face and embrace it. It's just me unveiling part of me that's been hidden.

I used to edit for the audience. Play my tune differently depending on what I perceive that particular person wanted to hear. And no, not to the extent of having multiple personalities, but just enough so that friction would be avoided. We all do it. It's a social expectation sometimes. Be polite. I followed that rule to the end, but at a steep price; my own authentic expression. I was the peacekeeper. Just enough so that peace (or so I thought)  would be maintained and the atmosphere would stay positive. I was liked that way. I was loved that way.

Moving through it, I realized I was tired that way. Tired and wanting to explode to just BE without regard of the consequence. We have definitely all heard this before but it feels much deeper and more freeing when put into conscious practice. Saying your thought kindly knowing it will not rub well with someone or that others won't understand and yet honoring yourself.

I've craved a connection with the world but it starts with me first. I admire so many that so effortlessly follow the principle, but I need to admire me most foremost...The connection comes to you. Your conversations now mean so much more. You learn to love yourself because you're exposing all of it and not silencing your curiosity to want to come out...amazing how the perspective changes...the view is much more vibrant and alive.

It's scarier to ignore than to live it. I promise. No matter what, at the end of the day, you're enough. You're still you and realize how great that is. You're not going to bed feeling inadequate or shrinking from the world, but you're thanking the day for the greatness it brought to you and how much more light you were able to take in because of your openness. The panoramic view expands completely and it's so beautiful.

In the mean time, I'll continue to grow. To dig and uncover secrets I've been keeping from myself. Visions I have for myself buried inside that were too afraid to speak up. I'll vocalize that and paint it and put it out there for the universe. I need that for my heart; for my happiness. I can share with you what I see and maybe through my own journey inspire you to trust in yours.

Love yourself enough to let it shine through completely - as it is.

That's not only enough; it's PERFECT(ly you).

Hope sun shines over you today...much love!

Love & Growth Beyond Measure...What is success to you?

I've had this quote saved for a long time and re-read it recently. The power of the written word can really grab hold of you. This touched me so deeply now as if I had it saved all those years for this day...

Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water. The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more.
If you refuse to change your job (if you don’t like it), the only sensible thing you can do is practice loving it every day.
Enjoy everything that happens in your life, but never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person, place, or thing.
The more you see yourself as what you’d like to become, and act as if what you want is already there, the more you’ll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to transform your dream into your reality.
Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That’s a fundamental   mistake. Happiness is something you are, and it comes from the way you think.
You are in a partnership with all other human beings, not a contest to be judged better than some and worse than others.
Life is never boring, but some people choose to be bored . . . boredom is a choice.
Treat yourself and others with kindness when you eat, exercise, play, work, love, and everything else.
Money, like health, love, happiness, and all forms of success that you want to create for yourself, is the result of living purposefully. It is not a goal unto itself.
The opposite of courage is not so much fear as it is conformity.
Try viewing everyone who comes into your life as a teacher.
Forgiveness is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. If you can’t learn to forgive, you can forget about achieving true   success in your life.
There are limits to material growth, but there are no limits to inner enlightenment.