At least, that's the way I see it

And so is love. 

It's not pretty or buttoned-up and presentable. 

It's certainly not proper and timely in any way you would expect. 

Love manifests itself in raw, unedited, surprising ways. And yet when it does reveal its presence, everything seems to make sense.  The only way truth can exist. Love never clearly tells you where it's taking you and where you will end up. It'll actually walk you through some scary, shitty and unexpected places. 

It reminds you of how human and vulnerable you are. 

It pushes you until you are down on your knees, begging for some relief.  And the very minute you find yourself surrendering, handing over your ego on a silver platter and begging for mercy, that's when love shows its clever face. That's when love takes your face in its hands and says, 'see my darling, that's the heart that needed to shine and let itself be seen. I've been waiting for you to reveal yourself'. 

Love will relentlessly remind you how much lighter and freeing it is when you let it in; Love will reinstate it's trust in you and show you how it has been present all along. It was honoring your evolution. It was admiring your path and letting you go through those experiences so that indeed, you could wake up one day and understand that it has never left your side. 

And so is love. 

Love is not boastful and proud. Love does not exist in fear. Love is not a fantasy. Love is not an attachment or a dependency to hide behind. Love needs you to shine yourself - all of yourself. Love is being soft when your heart is hard and it demands the most from you when you're at your weakest. Love is honest and humble and vulnerable. Love is powerful in silence. And can be so loud it's deafening. 

          It's the explanation behind everything you do. It will always honor you.

          And so is love.

Impossible

OR 

I'm Possible

Your choice. 

Wish

They come true, promise.....

Happy 3rd Birthday, my cheeky monkey!

Happy 3rd Birthday, my cheeky monkey! 
He'd rather sing
instead of talk, dance instead of walk; he laughs at his own expressions in the mirror; he LOVES to laugh! 
he is vocal and shy; he comes alive when he's outside; 
he studies people's faces, pays attention, remembers the little things; he loves having his head and back scratched and hugs without fearing rejection -
There's no such thing in his world.
He IS love.
He has taught me more poignant lessons in three years than those preceding...and I have an incessant hunger to show him, for him and myself, the beautiful potential we all have to be greater than we can imagine.
Thank you for showing me the way. Thank you for the gift you have given me. I will always remind you of your brightness - your beauty, my darling son. We have so many fun adventures ahead!
Te adoro; de a qui, a la luna....
- your mama

Southern Stars

For no particular reason and for many...I felt it today. I was transported to my (younger) youth. Summer nights in Atlanta. It's magic. Only those that have lived it truly know. It's a warm, breezy, smell of trees and dewy grass and a moon that glows like a spot light. With stars so bright they make you forget all about the day. And somehow, anything is possible. 

It's a feeling of pure freedom and of ease knowing you have your whole life in front of you. An endless possibility that maybe, just maybe, your crazy dreams will somehow spill over into reality and become one in the same. It was those summer nights that made me believe I was a little closer to the creator of all that's good and of all that has purpose. there wasn't much space between us. I would give thanks in advance knowing my life would take me to unimaginable places. And boy, has it.

There really is something about the south in the summertime. I'm grateful for those memories. They're so vivid still.

I wish I could bottle that feeling up and spike my coffee with it in the morning so that it wouldn't get foggy and forgotten during a day full of 'should's' and adult distractions. It's so easy to push those memories aside and overcomplicate what's innately simple. It's an easy habit to belittle those feelings of possibility and 'why the hell not's'.

So why the hell not?!

When no one's looking and it's really quiet, those southern stars can make mountains move inside of you...as easily and softly as that warm breeze. As effortless as a southern sky in the summertime.

Thanks Georgia...I never stopped loving you.

Leap

Everyone now says they knew but that I wouldn't listen. That I wouldn't accept it if they had told me what they thought at the time. Everyone says things in retrospect; especially my monologue when I feel like beating myself up a little extra that day. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Whatever. It's just air.

I say, at least I tried. At least I believed in the vision enough at the time to live it out. At least I gave that dream a shot knowing it may not last forever. At least I didn't disguise my fear as skepticism at the time. I honored my wishes and trusted my instinct enough to try it out. I've lived.

From here, it feels so much more like a success rather than a failure because it didn't last or because I was hurt along the way, or any other reasons that would typically stall someone from moving forward on an experience. It's only a venture to gain. And I'm living proof I've gained so much more than I would have ever been able to predict.

Most experiences end in one form and continue to evolve in another. So what wise ass made up that terrible word 'failure'? Sounds pretty miserable and a little paranoid.

Ah the butterfly in your stomach that just won't go away...? I'm referring to anything that I have ever taken an honest risk of doing. Anything that took an intentional, powerful and courageous decision because it wasn't safe or backed by a popular consensus. It's a step taken knowing it may not work out. What does last forever anyways? Nothing interesting stays exactly the same. Nothing of value is stagnant. Even the most precious things in your life are constantly evolving and it's why they are so precious to you - because they are still there by your side even when you or he/she/it have evolved. Mutual appreciation, respect and admiration for each other's road map. Period.

The best part - is when you realize that you are the most precious thing. When you realize that when the loudest pat on the back or a nod of approval comes from you, that's when the fun begins. Why does it seem like those things I choose to do for myself, out of my own will and reasons for doing it, tend to be the most fulfilling?; Especially when few can truly understand and sometimes it's even a mystery to me, but my gut keeps pushing me forward. Those are usually the best steps to take, aren't they?

Speaking of retrospect, I've always been that way. Some label it 'stubbornness'. Hard headed. Curious. Maybe I see it all as a gift and that its the only shot we have in the moment we are given. Call it what you will. I have just always done things in my own way. On my own terms. In my own space and design. Regardless of the suggestions or opinions surrounding me. And as much as I can appreciate the intent, and be open to words of wisdom, it's still my life.

That's been the hardest lesson for me and the most rewarding; to walk past the opinions, knowing at the end of the day, I had to see it and do it for myself to really know. And yes, I've seen many of those decisions needing recalibration. Some have left bruises that took a while to heal, but they always do. And I'm thankful for it. I'm so much better for every struggle, for every broken heart, for every frustration and every bit of fear that's crossed my path. I stand much taller now without knowing I could. And I'm so grateful for the here and now. And wide open for what's ahead.

In my short life, I've learned that ends aren't failures. They don't have to be tragic moments of 'wrong' decisions. There is no such thing. They aren't meant to punish or hold you back. They certainly don't say anything about your character or intellect, other than you were brave enough at some point to live.

You made the decision to experience life for yourself. What a tremendous success that is. So I've got to believe that when something comes to an end, it is merely the preparation for something new. It's time for the next step forward.

I've covered a lot more ground in my life by leaping than by standing still.

Getting there v Being there

I've been struggling with the quandary of having these inspiring and amazing visions of what I want my life to look and feel like. I can see it so clearly. I even get excited knowing it'll happen one day. Anxious that I want it to happen NOW and I need to start working at it NOW. I'm THAT confident in the good of this life and maybe even equally naive. Those are both adjectives used in retrospect though, aren't they?

It's easy to judge until the opposite result happens and then the editing takes place...'I knew you could do it'...when initially all you heard was, 'you're so over confident'; 'you're so naive'. And of course, these are internal voices I'm describing. All to smother the louder voice that's actually having these grandiose visions in the first place.

The torture we put ourselves through. How we so easily try to diminish things that make us innately happy or excited about life. Is it out of fear that it won't happen? Is it out of fear that it will? Who are we to deserve such exotic and amazing things in one life? How dare I NOT achieve these monumental experiences?

No wonder we feel stuck sometimes. All that noise and pressure could freeze the coolest cat in his tracks.

I haven't been doing a great job at it lately, and yet I still know that in these moments of noise and self-judgement, my greatest power is to let them pass. To listen and let them keep walking. To sit still and be quiet so they can have their say and move on. Because the best part is when your mind is silent and finds a small peaceful moment that allows you to hear the real voice come through. You hear the purest part of you tell you exactly where you are and what you want. And that's the voice that will say, 'Go for it'. Be free to do as you really want...nothing else. Period. Do it.

The beauty of having these large and thrilling visions for your life is that it is pure freedom. Especially when you're not running away from something. Especially when you've done the work to know what's good for you and what will lead you towards growth. Especially when you're in reality enough to know everything takes work and the scariest and most daunting steps are most often the golden stepping stones to that next chapter in your life. No shortcuts. No way around it. When that's felt, you know you're onto something special and that you are being led to the next phase of your life.

I've learned enough to realize that when I'm grateful for the smallest things in my life; For the smallest moments that make me happy; blasting my car stereo with the sunroof open, being greeted by name at the local coffee shop, opening the door for an older gentleman who was so surprised a woman was doing something nice for him (his words verbatim!), my son climbing on me like a monkey laughing hysterically,...the tiniest moments that could have easily been forgotten or not even noticed, somehow left impressions to be grateful for the life I live RIGHT NOW. And that simple joy is what's giving me the fuel to keep going. To know that my life will continue to evolve and shift and I will keep stretching myself to grow.

So maybe it's finding that quiet and satisfaction in the moments of your days that fuels you for the amazing visions that lay ahead. Maybe that's the balance of being somewhere with both feet planted firmly on the ground, so that you can take a step towards finding everything you could have ever imagined and more for your life.

We're constantly moving. Even if we don't feel like it. Even if our days are copies of the last with the exception of the clothing you wear (even that doesn't change for some). Even if we choose to do the same thing day in, day out. We're moving forward. We're learning something. We're evolving.

And if we're allergic to patterns and do something different every day on purpose; out of fear that we'll be stuck in a mundane life, what are we running from? What scares us if we stop and sit still? Knowing that we are who we are regardless of what we do or where we are or what surrounds us. And being thankful for the awesomeness that is you. No bells and whistles and distractions needed.

It's when we decide to change the rhythm a bit and break the pattern (whatever that might be); When we make a decision to walk towards that vision that you just can't shake. It's when the dream won't shut up and keeps tugging at you - even if you're uncertain about it. There could be a million reasons why it could never work out and yet it only takes one reason for it to work out and change your life; propelling you into growth and experiences like you never could have imagined - and yet as if it's been planned for you all along.

That's the good stuff. That's what has been stirring inside of me for a long time and the voice is only getting louder and the sights are clearer and more alive than ever. I was born to have an extraordinary life. We all were. I've always felt the responsibility to continue pushing myself to reveal that potential; I just recently learned to let go of paralyzing fear and found enough joy with the life I lead to give me the energy to walk the talk. It's no longer a deep pressure. It has become a freedom; an excitement; a joy.

You'll never know if you don't take that first step. And hey, you already took a few steps, leaps and bounds just to get to where you are right now. That's pretty amazing in of itself, isn't it?