January 1, 2017


The little girl's heart beats inside the woman's body. Inside the exterior protection of the woman's experience with heartache making the spirit weary and in disbelief caused by unborn longing. The little girl's heart wanting to grow into its purpose, limited by the woman's reluctant shell. 

I've been there my darling, she tells herself. I've dreamed and unfolded with such hope that I fathomed it to be real. That power is reckless because it gives the illusion of flight only to fall when suspended in mid air. We break. I've broken too many times by my foolish hopes and trust. I have been reminded time and again that desire inflates your heart to believe it has wings. So blinded in the illusion of flight, in a blindness that there is magic in life again, only to rip it from your chest and crash in disillusionment. A bitter waking; a validation in the secret fret of this unfathomable possibility .  

I need to protect you, my sweet. Your belief is too strong. Your wish too great. Your fearless hopes will leave me bleeding on the ground from a reality that cannot support you. And it's happened often enough that I do not know if it will ever happen for us. I can't promise you anything or give you hope that your tender heart can break the barriers I have built over the years. 

To which the little girl's heart responded, 'I have witnessed your hesitation. I know too well your fears diffused was a wish to protect my innocence. Isn't innocence a vibrant wish and possibility in gestation? There is greater life in falling than the death cemented in not living.  I know your hurt is real. I have felt the disappointment when your darkness falls upon me and your heart slows its pace. I know far too well the confines of your shallow breaths. But you have also suffocated my purpose for being.'

She continued, 'I ask you, sweet experienced one, to brave each breath for us. For our combined hearts. My blind hopes and your wisdom. I beg of you to keep breathing life into both of us so that the spirit we carry will be freed in its knowing that life is beyond any reasoning. Our soul bestowed this gift upon us because we already carry courage, coeur, to brave a purpose and love again.'

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